Open Wide
by Kouri Tohru
Summary: Kakashi's first trip to the dentist. Crack Fic, OOCness. I suck at summaries please read...


Kakashi at the Dentist

**Summary**: Kakashi's father takes him to the dentist for the first time. He's three or four, and just doesn't want to cooperate. Warning: Pure crack one-shot! OOCness too!

**Author's note**: This story is the result of mixing my own brother's reactions at this terrible place with the fact that Kakashi has worn that mask most of his life. I have no idea if ninjas really have dentists or not…

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Masashi Kishimoto's characters, but Kakashi WILL be mine!

A soft voice filtered into the child's head, gentle nudges on his shoulder bringing him into the land of the living. Blinking his eyes sleepily, a young Hatake Kakashi peeked his head out from beneath the covers, tousled silver hair covering his face haphazardly as he glanced over at the alarm clock.

"Go away Dad. It's too early to wake up; I need my sleep. Lack of proper rest'll stunt my growth or somethin' like that. Leave me alone!" He grumbled wearily. Konoha's White Fang stared down at his only son as he continued to pester the boy, eventually shoving him out of bed. The comforter slid along with him as he tumbled down the four-foot drop, a potentially deadly fall for someone of his stature, being only three feet himself.

"Up Kakashi! It's 11:30, and I set up an appointment for you at noon! Now get moving!" He lightly kicked at the ball of flesh and sheets, his offspring having curled up inside the cloth, forming a cocoon to ward off the light of morning. Peering warily out of his chrysalis, Kakashi questioned the older man, gritting his teeth, irritated as his parent walked away without answering.

"Appointment? An appointment for what? Where are we going dad? Answer me!" As the door to his bedroom swung half-shut, the three-year-old version of his older self glanced around at his messy room. It was fall, the ground was cold in these 'early morning hours'; utterly refusing to leave the warmth of his blanket, the mini-nin scooted worm-like out the door, chasing his father slowly down the hallway, scowling at his back. (wigglewiggle)

Upon reaching the kitchen, the oldest Hatake turned to see his child, frowning at his parent's feet with which he was eye-level, and continuing his questions. Now normally the boy wouldn't have gone to the trouble, but the fact that it involved him and an 'appointment' was cause for concern; the very thought of hospitals sent shivers down his spine.

"You're not planning on taking me to the doctor, are you Dad?" He asked suspiciously, already planning on making a quick crawl back to his room if that was the case. "Because I hope you understand that I'll make it as hard as possible!" A slight threat in his tone didn't affect the famous ninja much at all, a small smile gracing his face at the hilarity of the comment; a toddler going up against him in a fight of any kind.

"No, not the doctor Kakashi. Are you satisfied? Now get up and get ready. Breakfast, shower, teeth, right now. And **try **to do something with your hair!" With an exasperated sigh, the little shinobi silently cursed being the spawn of a morning person, while his father thought the exact opposite thing- being the parent of an all-nighter/ late-riser combo.

Pulling himself from the bedspread, the masked boy slouched his way into the bathroom, grabbing the stepstool and flicking the light on, cursing his height and praying he would grow taller one day. (a/n: Adorable thoughts of the young…) Starting up the water, he stripped and climbed in, letting the warm liquid wash over him as he tried to wake up, just starting to relax until the pounding on the door brought him back to reality as he finished in a hurry.

"I know! I know!" He screamed, tugging on his pants and socks as he raced from the shower room, passing his father who promptly shoved a piece of toast into his uncovered mouth, toweling down his hair roughly as they headed towards the door, much to his son's displeasure. Grabbing his toothbrush on his parent's command, he tugged up his mask before they walked down the street, passing others who waved politely as the went by, a few older children gazing sympathetically at Kakashi with his toothbrush, much to his confusion.

Coming to a halt in front of building he had never noticed before, the little boy looked up at his father, following him inside where a nurse with an unerringly bright smile asked them to wait. White Fang urged him to go into the bathroom however, telling him to brush his teeth, which he did despite the absurdity of the order. Brushing his teeth carefully, he heard his name suddenly being called from the other room, pulling up his mask before walking into the room that contained the nurse and her oh-so-perfect-smile.

"Come with us little boy, and we'll take good care of you…" Somehow, little Kakashi got the feeling he was walking into a trap, yet he followed her as she smiled in a creepy way at him, showing a good deal of her shiny whites. Inside the new room was a man with equally unsettling grin, standing beside a chair, which he offered to the Hatake. As he clambered up into the dentist's seat, catching sight of his father waving at him through the door's tiny window and the many instruments laid out next to him.

Glancing at his captors, the man now wearing a mask and bending down as the nurse stood off to the side, speaking creepishly soft. "Now then, have you been brushing well? Let's have a look under that mask little boy…"

In the waiting room, many children were gathered, all awaiting their demise at the hands of the evil dentist. Suddenly, they heard a huge crash, the sound of a drill, a little boy screaming, a nurse screaming, more crashes, the dentist screaming, kunai being thrown, more screaming from the nurse, glass breaking, toothpaste splattering across the walls, still more screaming, and a random screeching of a stray cat. White Fang looked up just in time to see his child streaking from the office, clutching his hands over his mask, and shouting bloody murder as he ran from the building, racing down the street back towards home.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The dentist and his nurse stumbled from their office, covered in pink toothpaste and looking helplessly over to the elder Hatake, the doctor filled with what looked suspiciously like the white-haired man's shinobi weapons.

The doctor groaned evilly, trying to approach his next patients until collapsing on the floor, then being trampled by the children suddenly panicking at the sight of the 'toothpaste monster from the deep.' The Hatake got up, slowly following his offspring's path of destruction home, grumbling quietly. "Maybe we can wait a few years for another check-up, say thirty…"

Upon walking through the door, he found Kakashi happily seated at the table, his terrifying ordeal almost forgotten as he sipped some cranberry juice through a straw, smiling innocently at his father. "Dentists are scawy…" he muttered around the curly straw, revealing perfect little teeth in a fiendish grin.

---FIN!!!!!---(spaz)

Well, like it, hate it? I don't mind, please R&R! PLEASE, or the dentist will get you. And yes, Kakashi does have perfect teeth! muttermutter I've seen them… I DON'T LIKE DENTISTS!


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